Dear Household Items (that are randomly scattered on the floor),
I would appreciate it if you would stop being so sharp, mobile and prevalent. Yes, I suppose you could argue that I (the human occupant of the house) am the one that scattered your contents on the floor, but give me a break. You move and multiply when I am not looking. I know you do. You pretend to be all inanimate, but then make your malicious plans when I'm away from home or not paying attention. And when I'm asleep, if you haven't already taken action, you make your move. When I get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I am groggy and wobbly. Therefore, I cannot deal with the obstacle course that you create. Yes, I know that when I step on a plastic stemmed "glass" and break it in two, the "glass" will never be the same again, but what about my foot! It still hurts, several hours after the incident. Please, I beg of you, to stick to the periphery of the room. Don't roll out into the middle of the floor or one of these days someone is going to suffer from something much more serious than a sore foot. In fact, I may even have to sue myself, which is not a good idea at all, since I don't even have any money. One last time, I'm begging you to just stay in one place. Don't make malicious plans. Don't roll and especially don't multiply. If we all want to live in harmony, there are certain rules that we all need to follow. Let's make this apartment a happy place where nobody needs to scream "ouch" and tend to their foot in the middle of the night. Thank you!
Sincerely,
Anne (the human occupant that would like to be able to use the bathroom in the middle of the night without risking her foot, or even her life)
2 comments:
ouch. i hope your foot is feeling better. I do believe things move in the night too and in the day. I am a klutz and can trip on and/or fall over things on a regular basis. I believe you should sue yourself, of course, in the end the attorneys are the only winners in that game so maybe you shouldn't. Perhaps you need to wear protective footwear at all times? Anyway, hoping your foot is feeling better and your letter effective at dealing with your things. Harumph on those moving things.
Sorry about the foot injury. I do this on a regular basis as I have things laying on the floor because there is no room to put them anywhere else and stub my toe all the time. I always end up yelling and waking up Bill also which is not a good thing. Maybe somebody should invent a little flashlight to strap on your toe before making the nightly trek to the bathroom.
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